n onono noo nono

Gaze

Jennah decided I should probably go get some air. I didn't have any reason to disagree (to my misfortune), so we went out downtown to some restaurant.


Which was boring, but there was something kind of strange afterwards. I wouldn't have taken any notice of it if it wasn't for Jennah's reaction.


I still don't really get the big fuss, but it was a bit strange. I was...afraid, I guess you could say. Not exactly sure, I'm still sort of dazed, but....I don't know.


After we left, there was this bum kid on the street. He had to have been sixteen. Seventeen tops. He had this really messy blonde hair, I almost thought it was white when I first saw him, and it covered the left side of his child-like face.


I know I said he was probably sixteen, but his face made him look twelve. His eyes were wide in what seemed like fear, and they weren't focused on anything. I don't even think he knew we were there. His eyes were these pretty crystal blue color, too. They looked so innocent, but the glimmer of life that should have shone in them was missing...


Now, I said it seemed he had no idea we were there. At least, he had no idea I was there. Jennah tried to duck as soon as she saw whoever the kid was, but he seemed to lock onto her presence instantaneously. He made some sort of noise, perhaps he said a word. I'm not sure, I didn't hear. I just saw his lips move. Jennah then pulled me along, and said to keep moving.


I want to go back and see if I can find that kid again, but he looked like he was half dead. I doubt he's going to last much longer. I feel bad, but I don't. I can't start being sympathetic for other people before sorting my own stuff out.

Daren and Tanya (Part 2)

This post was written on Friday, June 10th, 2011 at 4:56 AM. It is preset to be published on Monday, June 27th, 2011 at 3:12 AM.


Okay. I staggered this post a bit because I'm hoping by now Ray has been able to get up and put a post up about what happened. Or I somehow miraculously did. Something along those lines. If neither of us have...well...I don't know. Maybe one of us got up something, hopefully?


---
So I had woken up with dried blood covering most of my face, (from me profusely bleeding, I assumed).


I, uh. I was...um. I don't know what I was. You know how I was when Ray first found me? That was...like...the first time it ever happened, I guess. It was coming on slowly, though. I was still...mostly in control of myself. Ugh.


I...can't seem to handle the guilt. So I mentally begin to shut down. I guess. I don't know...I don't know how to really describe it. I guess...I guess it's because...well. I...to think I did this. I did this. I just..I don't know. How am I supposed to explain it?


Maybe I'm really crazy. Well, no. Uh. I am crazy. But only so


I can't explain this. I physically and mentally do not know how to explain this.


Okay. So...whatever happens, it started. Slowly. I didn't notice anything happen at first. It had started off slow. It didn't bother me at all. It took a while for it to get as bad as it happens now.


I...wasn't sure what I should do. So I just...I walked. I would walk for two to three days at a time before the urge to pass out started overwhelming me. Whenever I woke up I would be in a worse state then when I fell asleep. It...agh. It's torture.


I was being tortured. By Him. Everywhere I looked, He was there. I was confused. I wanted to be left alone. I still do. It...agh.


I really don't know what was going on. The pain...


Daren. I would see Daren. He was different. His eyes looked soulless. I had no idea what he was doing. Every time I ran into him it ended the same; he would attack me and I would pass out, waking up who knows when.


I wanted to die. My life was a living hell. It still is...except.


This is when I ran into Ray. It was an accident. There was an empty house, and I took refuge in it for a night. Ray saw me leave once or twice. I didn't know he was a student that was on Spring Break. I didn't know I'd drag him into this. Hell, I couldn't think straight. I just tried to play along as best as I could. Then I got pulled into his school.


I had no idea what I was doing there. There were...so many people around me. I..just followed Ray around, pretending we somehow got the same classes. I was never on the rollcall, I would just try to pass it off as a technical error. As best as I could. I tried to keep up the image...


Then those kids disappeared. Ray's school was shut down. I was planning to take off before he dragged me into the woods. God the woods.


I've never seen that mist before. At least, not when it was relating to Him. I don't know why it happened. I...don't get it. At all. I had also never seen Him be related to fire before that one incident. It hasn't happened since.


I don't really need to explain anything else. Everything that's happened is already on here. I...


I feel like I'm putting on a show for someone sick and twisted. Are you all entertained by this?


...I just don't get it.


Ray, once you read this, I'll be gone. Maybe if I leave everything going on with you will stop.

Fuck this.


This thing started because of a stupid English project, and somehow along the line I got sucked into this mess. Why?


God dammit.


Lucian's gone. He took off. He left a (barely legible) note saying that I'd be safer without him around on my bedroom window last week. I don't know where he is right now. I don't want to know.


But yeah. This thing. I don't even know why I'm updating this anymore.


Maybe if I stopped writing this would just stop. Everything would go back to normal.

Have you ever felt helpless?


Have you ever felt like you're just a puppet, with someone else pulling the strings?


Have you ever felt like you're a dim light be smothered in the darkness around you?


Have you ever been beaten into unconsciousness and wake up, just to have it happen again?


Have you ever been so fucking dumbfounded you don't know what to say?


Have you ever felt so useless you don't know what to do?


I keep pinching myself to see if I'll wake up from this dream.


It's not working.

Dreams

They're supposed to be a recollection of the mind, where it sorts out what had happened, and your dream is a mindscrew of things that happened to you mashed together, right?


Nightmares, though. They leave you awake with your heart pounding, and a cold sweat covering your body as you try to recollect what just happened. Sometimes you can, but most of the time the fragments slip through your fingers and you're left wondering what left you shaken up so badly.


Then there's always that one horror that's created in the depths of your brain. It haunts you. It keeps it's claws around you throat, waiting for the chance you make the wrong move, and pop, you're dead. Insecurity. Fear. Terror. Guilt. Sorrow. Shame. It feeds on negative feelings, growing stronger while you're just trying not to screw up in life.


Dreams can be horrifying. Yet there's the good ones to. The ones that make you not want to ever wake up. The ones that make you think that you don't suck and you actually belong somewhere. It's paradise. But it's just a tease, because eventually you will wake up, and whatever you dreamed will just float away into borderline nonexistence, buried somewhere in the dark gallows of the brain. Lost forever, until it suddenly decides to pop back up again. And again. And again. Every time you think you're closer to achieving something it's yanked away from you at last second.


Yet people need to sleep. If you don't, you die. It's not fair, is it? Either die or be teased while you're able to live.

Now, take  me. I can't remember anything. How do I sort the shards of what I can recollect together? I can't.


But the answer's hidden in there somewhere...


And you wonder why people say "life sucks".

Daren and Tanya (Part 1)

This post was written on Friday, June 10th, 2011 at 1:28 AM. It is preset to be published on Tuesday, June 14th, 2011 at 8:32 PM.


Right now I...uhh, hopefully found Ray. I'm probably not going to be in a good condition, though. I...I should be fine. I don't matter, though. As long as I got Ray out of this mess I pulled him into. At least...for now. I owe him this much.


God knows I'm sorry.


I need to post this up while I can still...think. This doesn't make sense to you all. It probably hasn't. I'm hoping after this it will.

---
Okay. So, um. Oh, jeez...


I met Daren, almost a year and a half ago now? That sounds right. It wasn't too long ago. He wasn't the way he is now. I...I wasn't the way I am now.


Daren and Tanya found me asleep in the streets of a town in Arkansas. They took me to Daren's house. I was...oh god. I was 15 then? Daren was 16 and Tanya was 17.


When I woke up they were both staring at me. It was odd. Daren had this hardened expression, waiting to see how I'd react. I could pretty much feel him staring at me before I opened my eyes.


Tanya, on the other hand...


Tanya radiated comfort. All the fear I had, the urge to run as soon as my eyes opened, was gone. I...I can't explain it. It just disappeared. Daren noticed me staring at her, and the hostility in his glare increased by a tenfold.


They asked what I was doing. I didn't know how to respond. Daren tried to force the information out of me. Tanya got him to stop, and they left me alone for a bit. I was told I was allowed to stay and rest, but to not try anything fishy.


I had noticed that anywhere I was cut had bandages covering them. I was confused, but Tanya had explained that she noticed I was bleeding. She had put them on before I had woken up. She figured that it was better to put them on while I was passed out, that way I wouldn't shout in pain. Apparently a lot of the cuts were infected. I didn't care too much then.


Daren spent time talking to me, his default glare had started to soften. He noticed that I seemed to not be...very, well. I didn't have civil habits. He just figured I was some bum kid. That didn't really stop him from treating me normally though. God knows how grateful I was for that.


He talked about Tanya a lot. It turned out they had given each other promise rings a year ago and were waiting for the day they both turned 18. They were best friends growing up and eventually fell in love each other. I found it rather amusing that Daren was a romantic. He didn't seem the type.


I spent about half a month before telling them anything. Tanya had pushed this time. I had decided it would be okay to tell them. I begged them not to think I was crazy.


I told them everything.


I told him about this Slenderman. I didn't know His name at the time, but I tried explaining it as best as I could. How I've been on the run for....I don't even know how long. Days, weeks, even months blurred together as one very long Hell.


Tanya believed me. At least, she pretended to. Daren, on the other hand...he didn't believe me. He didn't say it, but from the look on his face I could tell. He thought I was crazy. Well, I AM crazy. But...I was less crazy then. Ugh.


So...I was allowed to stay. I eventually started helping Daren out with the work his parents had him do. I didn't really understand the schoolwork other then writing. I helped Tanya when she asked for it. I was actually happy. I felt like I belonged somewhere. I had friends.


Of course, that had to change.


One day Daren and Tanya brought up what I had mentioned to them earlier. Him. They said they had strange dreams that involved what I described. I was actually pretty scared then. The night before I had dreamed that one of them had encountered Him. It wasn't made clear who, in fact it was just a shadow of a figure. However...


I knew it had to be one of them. It was a gut feeling. A very strong gut feeling. I didn't mention it to either one of them, and they asked to go looking around outside, and that I'd come with them. I agreed. I had to. I didn't know what else to do.


God knows how much I wished I could have stopped them....How much I wish I could turn back time and stop us from going out. It would have saved Tanya. It would have saved Daren. It would have even saved Ray. I'd never have met him.


Tanya, Daren, and I split up outside the nature trail we were at. I mentioned that most of my encounters were in areas with trees. They thought it would be a good idea to start there.


Oh god. Oh god. Oh god...


I smelled smoke. Trying to figure out where it was coming from, I was shouting at Daren and Tanya. I could hear Daren shouting.


What made me even more nervous was the fact I couldn't hear Tanya.


It was then I heard a scream. A mutilated scream. I ran to where it had come from, and I couldn't comprehend what was going on.


He was there. So was Tanya. So was the fire. I don't know how he did it, but the flames were kept at a certain distance, it was burning in what looked like a perfect circle. That didn't strike me as odd though, at least...not at the moment.


Tanya's blood was all over the place. Her blood-matted hair was over her dull eyes. She looked like she didn't even recognize I was there. He hadn't noticed me yet, either. I panicked. I shouted for Daren. I shouted at myself to wake up.


Don't ever, ever shout when you're in proximity with Him and he hasn't noticed you. He turned his attention to me. It was...just...


He turned his attention back to Tanya. There were...tentacles. I heard a crunch, and saw Tanya's splintered bone being pulled off of her. He was tearing her arm off. She...she didn't even scream. She...wasn't unconscious, but she was so close to being gone. I was about to be sick.


This is when Daren ran in. He froze as soon as he saw what happened. He didn't see that Tanya was now missing an arm, and ran over to her and Him. He tried to pry Him off of her, only to be sent flying back as soon as he got close.


He disappeared. I don't know how, but He disappeared. Tanya's body fell to the floor, and Daren ran over to her. He was crying. He spent almost six hours bent over her corpse. I just stood there the whole time. I walked up to him to try and comfort him, and I saw the total damage.


She was burned. Horribly burned. Her flesh wherever He touched her was burned even worse. It looked like half of her face had melted into her skull. Her hair was had blood crusted in it. It seemed wherever she wasn't burned she had blood covering her. The shoulder to the arm that got ripped off was already decomposing. I don't know how it was happening that fast.


Tanya's promise ring was her other arm, and Daren gently slid it off. He put it on over his own, and stood up.


It seemed his whole physical appearance had changed. The way he carried himself. He didn't have the flicker of innocence and affection that would penetrate his glare at times. It was like a puppy had transformed into a wolf. It was...he...he spoke for the first time. Five words. "This is your fucking fault."


He was right. It was. I was guilty. For everything. I started crying. He went hysterical. He snarled at me, telling me how I didn't have the right to cry. I didn't know Tanya. I didn't know him. He said he should kill me right then and there. He punched me in the face. I was knocked backwards. He kicked me in the stomach, and I shouted. He kept smashing my head into the ground, and I could feel myself losing consciousness.


Then he stopped. I was on the verge of passing out. He picked me up by my shirt and snarled into my ear. "You don't deserve to die. Not yet. Not until you go through what I'm fucking going through right now."


One sentence. That one sentence was the last thing I heard before he dropped me. I passed out, (at least, I'm assuming I passed out), before I hit the ground.


---
I need to take a break. I'll submit this to go at the time it's set to, but I need to clear my head. I can't think straight.


But this needs to be told.

ii fo und him. .

hEs in the ho spital

donnt knw what happene d to Daren.

He disappeared whe n H e came.

...

I, ah, said that part of the tape was screwed up. That...that's not true. I lied. I didn't want to put it up...


Agh. Um...okay. This...this is really personal. I didn't want anyone to know this. I...was horrified that Ray was told...


Oh god, Ray. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.


D: Yeah, as if I'll answer your questions. Nice try, apeshit. Now...you should know your friend's history. Especially with me. It's his damn fault. His fault for everything.

R: What do you mean 'his fault'. What did Lucian do?

D: It's his goddamn fault for everything. EVERYTHING.

R: You keep saying th

D: Shut the fuck up.

R: ...uhh

D: He...he killed Tanya...

R: ...wha?

D: Tanya was my world. She was everything to me...Then that bastard killed her.

R: Look, Daren. Calm down.

D: SHUT UP. (there's a loud thud.)

D: Tanya was everything to me. Do you know what it's like to suddenly feel like a part of you got ripped out, taken away forever?

R: ...no?

D: It's the worst goddamn feeling in the world. There's nothing there. You suddenly feel like you're empty inside.

R: Y...you're...calm down. You're getting hysterical.

D: FUCKING SHUT UP. (there's heavy breathing, and then about 30 seconds of silence.)

D: ...so I'm doing what I have to do. I'm making sure she can rest in peace.

R: W...what?

D: For every person I kill...she's closer to being at peace...

R: A...and this is why you want Lucian?

D: Of course. It only makes sense. But he can't die. Not yet. He has to be tortured. Like I was. Only when he's gone through the madness I'll kill him.

D: I got to thank you though, apeshit. I didn't think he talked with anyone. Every time I ran into him he would mutter about how he can't get close to anyone.

R: God damn...that's what he...that's what he meant.

D: So this is a test. If he actually cares about your life, he'll come after you. If not...well, you better hope you lived a good life. You know, before he came into it.


I...I didn't...his memory of it...it's warped.


Daren, i....if there's any chance....

No, forget it. I don't...I don't know you anymore.


Ray, I'm coming after you. As soon as this goes up, I'm finding you.

Irony

I’m starting to remember one or two things.

It’s not “alert the medics” worthy, but while I’ve been dreaming I’ve been getting glimpses of what I would assume is my childhood. I can see my parents taking me to my first day of kindergarten. Them celebrating one of my birthdays. Things like that.

I feel like it’s a tease, though. I get stuff like that but when I try to remember more, there’s nothing. My head is taunting me. Even the few memories I can remember I feel like I’m not seeing the whole thing. Almost as if my mind is physically blocking the memory. Maybe I repressed them?

The thought of me repressing them is actually scary, because what if I don’t want to find out who I was then? What if I was some serial killer, or an arsonist? Or something that could get me arrested. In fact, what if the only reason they didn’t take me off the plug while I was in a coma was because they needed me to stand on trial? They couldn’t try me now; not when I don’t remember anything.

Jennah’s told me to calm down, but I really can’t. The fact that my head is empty terrifies me.

I want to be normal.

Doc, anyone at the hospital. Are you reading this? Is there something you’re not telling me? Am I just being extremely paranoid?

I feel like I'm going to go crazy before I find out who I was.

Come on, Lucey. Don't be like that.

We both know you didn't tell everything on that tape.

You're lucky I'm willing to let it slide.

The little apeshit over here has been howling in pain for most of the day.

I'm sure you don't like that.

All you have to do is find me.

Find me, and he'll live.

All you have to do is find me...

You know what they say, though.

To gain something you must lose something else.

Night

Jennah’s told me I’ve been shouting at night. She asked if I was having nightmares again, but I don’t remember dreaming anything.

She also told me that I used to have them all the time. Really bad ones. I’d wake up and wouldn’t be able to say anything to anyone for a couple of hours. I ‘was too scared’, she said.

I don’t know what I’d be screaming about. I’m finding this frustrated; why can’t I remember? I remember the few dreams I’ve had since I’ve woken up this past six months.

I saw that the hospital called me yesterday while Jennah took me out. They didn’t leave a message though; and when I went to call them back they said they never called. I had asked to speak to Doc, and they said he’s been out of town for a while now.

I’m really confused by all this. I just want to know who I am; I want to know what’s going on. To be honest, I’m only writing in this for a hope that Doc will finally tell me that they came up with a pill that can restore memory loss.

I’d love that, however unlikely it would be.

Being amnesia girl is getting tiring.

The "Sign" Was Found

I still have no idea where Ray is. But...I know he's alive. It's a gut feeling. I think I know what happened to him...

“Keep your eye out for a sign.”

...The first thing that came across my mind was “What the hell is this supposed to mean?”

So I went out again looking for anything that would help. (Which...wasn't a good idea to go out alone. I don't know the area. I got lost for most of last night.)

Well, um. I found something. Something...it was one of those voice recorder things. I don't know technical terms, but. The thing was taped onto the back of a stop sign with the letter “L” spray painted onto the back. “Keep your eye out for a sign.” I figured this was what Ray...er, the person on his account was talking about.

It took me a while, but I finally got the thing to play. And, um. It was....it wasn't good. At least, it didn't sound good...

Looking back at more of Ray's posts, I'm assuming this was his. But, uh...I'll let you read what I transcribed.

?: Brat. Wake up. (There's about a thirty second pause before) DON'T TEST ME. WAKE THE FUCK UP. (The sound of something be hit can be heard, followed by a scream.)

Ray: W-what...

?: Shut up and listen.

R: wha...you. You're....what's what's going on? (there's another thud, and Ray shouts again.)

?: You don't listen well. I said shut the fuck up, apeshit. We're making a little recording for that friend of yours.

R: How do you know Lucian?..

?: So many questions...so many questions...(another thud is heard.)

R: St..(he can be heard gasping for air.) stop kic...kicking me.

?: Shut up. It's just one command. You have issues listening. I will gag you if you won't stop your jabbering.

R: ..alright.

?: Now. How much of Lucey's past do you know?

R: ..Lucian?

?: The one and only.

R: Well..not much. He's stalked by this...Slenderman thing and he suffers...bouts of...insanity?

?: Heh. That's all he's said? (there's about a two minute pause)

R: ...well. Yeah.

?: And he just found out that there are other people being stalked by this guy?

R: ...why do you want to know?

?: Shut up. (another thud, I'm assuming it was a kick again.) If you don't answer my questions, I can use the bone in your arm to impale you.

R: ..sorry. Yeah. He foun...wait. Was the person I saw that night you?

?: You complicated things, asshat. I wasn't expecting anyone else to show up.... (another thud.)

?: Yeah, as if I'll answer your questions. Nice try, apeshit. Now...you should know your friend's history. Especially with me. It's his damn fault. His fault for everything.

(the audio on the tape is messed up for the next twenty minutes. When it comes back the other person is speaking again.)

?: Now, isn't that just great to hear? That fuckface destroys everything he comes in contact with. It's his fault I've been running for the past year. It's his. Damn. Fault.

R: ...Daren..why do you need me?

Daren: Because. You're close to that piece of shit. It will torment him. Either he saves you and goes into another crazy fit, or you die and he stays sane, knowing what happened. It's his decision. (the recorder is presumably picked up, because the next line is much louder.)

D: Lucey, I hope you're hearing this. You've heard what I said. Either you come find me and rescue your little pal, or he dies. Your decision. I'll keep him alive for a week, but he won't be comfortable. (another thud, and Ray howls in pain again.)

D: Tick tock. Time is running out. (Ray starts coughing.)

(the audio ends.)

...I don't know how he found me. I, uh, thought I had covered up my tracks. I would have guessed it was this damn blog, but Daren...he didn't know.

Ray...I'm sorry. For...everything that's happened.

Daren...I know you'll be reading this. If I ha...had known that this would happen to you...I wouldn't have ever...talked to you.

Please let Ray go. It's not his fault this happened to you...

Please stop...

Keep your eye out for a sign.

Lounging Around

--and extremely bored.


Very, very, very bored.


I don't think anyone could possibly know the level of bored I am on right now. If this was a game, I'd be stuck on that boss that's really difficult but you know you should be able to beat it.


Except I can't. And it's very annoying.


Very, very, ver-- okay, I'll stop.


I convinced Jennah to take me out sometime soon, she made a face at first, but eventually agreed. Which made me kind of happy. It's not an emotion I feel much lately, so I'll take it and leave without complaining. She didn't say what day though, so I'm kind of wallowing in anticipation.


...and scuffling around...with nothing to do....


Someone needs to tell me what's going on.

Shit. Ray didn't come home last night.


I was rereading his last post, and I think I know who that was. God knows how I hope I'm wrong...


If I'm right, this isn't good. I knew it was a bad idea to get someone else involved.


I'm going out to look for him.

I'm not quite sure what Ray's talking about. I've been connected to his 'net for the past week reading and watching everything I can get my hands on. He's been acting odd ever since Monday afternoon. I think he's just looking for an excuse to get out of his room.


He hasn't told me anything...


I guess I deserve it.

The Search Party

Sorry for not updating yesterday. Nothing notable had really happened, so I didn't see the need to put it up.

Well...there was this one guy that struck me as a little odd. But that was it. I didn't think there was any reason to put that up...

I'm getting ahead of myself, I'll get to it later.

OH. One more thing before I begin. I've been carrying around an audio recorder when I go out since the night I first encountered Him. I had thought I had mentioned it, but looking back at my earlier posts, I realized I didn't. That way I don't have to doubt myself whenever I quote what someone says on here.

Okay, so. Monday. At about 10:00 we met up. 'We' was probably only...five people total? Sort of understandable, it was Memorial Day. Some people thought grilling was more important then finding a missing kid. Yeah. Totally understandable.

So the five were me, Emma's mother, two of the mother's neighbors, and a guy my age. Yeah, I didn't drag Lucian into this. I can't think of a way to sneak out of my room, and he's reading all the information he can get. He's been much happier lately...but also a shut in. That can't be too healthy. Then again, I wouldn't call our current situation too healthy.

The officer in charge (whose name escapes me), walked us through all the procedures, and split us into two groups. I was introduced into the other kid.

Now, this is the funny part. I think he's about my age. But he's 5'2 And he has the reddest hair I've ever seen, which he spikes up. I'm pretty sure he spikes it up just to make himself look taller. So yeah, first meeting him, I had a hard time not trying to ruffle his hair and call him kiddo. The first thing he did when we met though? He said

“Aight. Let's just get this over with, I don't know this jackass ova here." - I'm trying to type out his accent. It's not working well.

But yeah, kid's got an attitude.

Okay, shit. Library's about to close. If my net is back up soon I'll post up the rest, but if it's not I'll try to get back here tomorrow and finish it.

Sorry guys, this really does need to be put up. I just seem to be having bad luck. Urgh.